Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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