obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
