but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
