whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
