Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
