Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
