Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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