No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
