god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
