They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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