He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
