We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
