It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Randomize
