So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
