he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??