Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  Goddamnit I hate your level headedness

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  (305): Goddamnit I hate your level headedness http://tfl.nu/nlec
  Replies (2) Good night (1228) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....

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  (907): i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine.... http://tfl.nu/xp53
  Replies (28) Good night (2190) Bad night (4573)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.

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  (810): you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch. http://tfl.nu/47sj
  Replies (29) Good night (1296) Bad night (5119)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".

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  (239): While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth". http://tfl.nu/xyop
  Replies (6) Good night (5223) Bad night (1086)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice

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  (240): He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice http://tfl.nu/qhk7
  Replies (3) Good night (2649) Bad night (970)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.

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  (301): I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost. http://tfl.nu/jb2u
  Replies (15) Good night (4336) Bad night (990)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night

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  (989): What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night http://tfl.nu/rv8l
  Replies (4) Good night (2427) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.

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  (615): Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours. http://tfl.nu/ireg
  Replies (4) Good night (2208) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea

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  (425): i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea http://tfl.nu/bucj
  Replies (8) Good night (1517) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians

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  (303): If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians http://tfl.nu/7zy4
  Replies (8) Good night (1358) Bad night (578)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!

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  (514): OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR! http://tfl.nu/abrr
  Replies (14) Good night (870) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?

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  (586): Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right? http://tfl.nu/hfcq
  Replies (2) Good night (570) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Lord god protect this child

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  (770): Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me (603): Lord god protect this child http://tfl.nu/t9s3
  Replies (3) Good night (677) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just want to make out with him forever

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  (203): I just want to make out with him forever http://tfl.nu/lf08
  Replies (1) Good night (557) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.

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  (616): So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually. http://tfl.nu/ld9c
  Replies (1) Good night (319) Bad night (922)

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