Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
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You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
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I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger