I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
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halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
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Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.