I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
handjob tips. give me some.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.