Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
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Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly