What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
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Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio