omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
