To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
