I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
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The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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