Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
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I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
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Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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