my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
