My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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