He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
