I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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