I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
