the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
