Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
