I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
