Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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