I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
