Will you blow on my dice?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
