Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
