They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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