ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
