I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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