How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
