If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
