O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
