Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
