I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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