Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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