Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
