Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Text me some of your sweat
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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