I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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