i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
