Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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