Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
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so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home