i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"