Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.