I'm going to jail i love you
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
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I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
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Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.