So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.