You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
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you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
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Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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