even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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