sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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