chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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