someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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