I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
