I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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