Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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