Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
