Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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