so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
