you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
